Truesome

Time for a new journal, what's it been 5 months since the last update? Even though we had snow late this year I find myself so sick of it at this point. Can't wait for spring to come. I've gained some weight just sitting on my ass since there's not much outdoor activities to do in the winter.

So how's my life improved since the last journal rant I made? meh. Well there was no obstacle for me to continue on my fourth year at uni so that's ok I suppose. I haven't had much to do since January when our official courses ended. Me and a few friends tried to enlist on a E-design course that was hosted by the arts academy but got kicked out since it was full and arts academy students had priority over us even though we had enlisted on the course system and they hadn't. Next thing in line is a failed Math course that will begin on May 27th. Not looking forward to it. Trying to find something extra but those are scarse.

Did I mention that the first 3 guys from my class graduated on December 2011? Just makes you feel great about your own studies that are in a standstill. Extra year for me wooo. Still missing a few points and topic for my final thesis. Oh and about the title of this journal... I couldn't find a more suitable word to describe my situation. I'm still missing that internship so I can't apply for jobs since I don't want to accept one and then quit it on the next week if an internship place pops up. So I sit here gazing out of the window as people live their daily lives. Invisible.

Haven't been on Facebook in 6 months, life is a lot more drama free without it. I always hated reading how awesome weekend people had and being asked "why weren't you at XX? it was the best" afterwards when I spent a quiet weekend wondering what everyone was up to.

What to do with life? Do I even want the job I've been studying for?

you ask and everything is alright
well it's easy for you to say
when you don't know how I feel

So goes the beginning of an old finnish rock classic which so nicely summerises my last 6 months. Some of you might be aware that never actually found an internship place to begin at May. Still trying to keep on the positive side of things I convinced myself that I could land one before the end of June and so be done with the thing before school starts in late August. Well that didn't happen either. At this point I had been searching for one since early January and spent the time period when all the local companies search for summer employees still trying to land an internship job. Did I mention it was a free internship so the only loss for the company would have been to put someone aside for a week to tell the new guy what they expect to get done and how to do things.

So it's June, I haven't recieved any money from the student grants since May because that's when the semester ended and internship was supposed to start. I haven't got an internship place and I have missed the time period to apply for a summer job while searching for one. Small companies say they can't afford to put anyone aside from their projects since the economical view is so poor and big companies don't bother to answer emails or they want someone who's a graphic designer from an art school. "We can't afford to take you in for free" -makes you feel awesome about the education you're currently trying to get.

Most of my friends seemed to land their jobs through already existing contacts or knowing someone who knows someone... I chose to say "most of" since I know there were a few of them who really worked to get that internship and I really value that. But otherwise it doens't paint a pretty picture on how to get employed after I graduate.  Pretty awesome way to start your summer.

"I spent my summer doing random stuff" is really the best way to describe it. Trying to keep active although I noticed how the days seemed to blend together and it really didn't matter what day of the week it was for me anymore. I skipped the two major music festivals all my friends seemed to go to. Mainly because I didn't want to pay for the ticket nor ask my mom to give me money for it. I feel like I'm leeching away enough just by living at home. I've been out blading and cycling 5 days in a week since it has pretty much been my only routine and one major thing that has kept me going through all this.

So now I'm back at school, still unsure if I can even continue to 4th year when I'm missing that internship and those 15-20 study points. I suppose I'll find out as soon as I have a talk with one of the guys in charge of student matters. Otherwise I'm supposed to graduate after this year while I have no idea on the topic for my final thesis and how to manage that and magically make the internship happen at the same time. I've found myself reading the description of my studies over again when the courses offered to us are plain poor. I'm supposed to have specialized to photo, video and web development stuff for over an year and yet the courses offered to us in this period are "relation databases, linux based server solutions, cryptology and user interfaces & usability". What are the guys in embled systems studying if they're offering this crap to us? Since that's the option people who love coding and databases chose back then.

While being confused whether to laugh or cry I'll keep living my life one day at a time... avoiding to plan for the future since it gets me depressed just thinking about it.



[side note]

I seem to have picked up a bad habit of drinking energy drinks even though I don't really need one. So I'm trying to quit that.
Also I'm trying to get back to exercising regularly so bug me about it to keep me motivated. I'll post a pic of my embarrasing failure to do that somewhere here in January.

I've been getting some feedback due to my last journal update being from last year so here it goes:

So what have I been up to. Last March-May I decided to switch school trips taken with my car to my old bike due to some personal reasons. I feel like this little daily exercise has given me new energy on those dull school mornings. Talking about school I'm currently on summer vacation and year 3 starts this fall. I've finally gotten to the stage where "career specialization" begins so I'm really looking forward to what new things this brings to the usual study routine.

I really haven't got anything special planned for my summer vacation, becides I'm working on 3-4 days / week so I guess calling it a vacation is a bit off. Car maintenance cost were rising so I decided to scrap it on late spring since I move a lot with my bike these days. I have also picked up blading with poles so it's a lot like skiing on summer I guess. So hobbywise I'm doing fine

Photographywise I'm still going through what some would call a dry season though I'm now experimenting on still life - food and drink section so expect to see quite a few of those. They're nothing new as an idea but hey... it's still something.

I have no intention to squeeze a year in to one journal so I think that's about it. Sure there have been other things like a military exercise and a vacation to Egypt but I trust those who have been keeping me company are aware of those.

Have a nice and safe summer! Over and out.

This is not a goodbye as I would never leave this wonderful community behind but decent stuff in my personal life have convinced me that this is the right thing to do or more like the next step to take so...

starting today I plan to clear pretty much everything from my gallery and leave only some of my "art" around scraps or somewhere.
I'd like to thank my watchers for the lovely comments you've given and apologise the fact that I've recently been kinda lazy to reply to most of them.

[why?] As you might have noticed I've hardly posted anything lately and I simply don't have a reason to this, I still carry my camera with me almost all the time but I'm not taking any pictures... some might call this having an artistic block.

So as my last attempt to break free from this I'm starting everything from a clean table and that my friends is why I feel that clearing my gallery is an essential first step to take.

Thanks for understanding

The trees are starting to show up some color again and it feels cold in the morning. Mist is forming up near water and moisture is making the morning air feel so fresh... yeah autumn has arrived.

Lately I've been busy with school, not crazy busy but busy. so tomorrow I'm trying hard to go to the city straight in the morning and photo some stuff. The forecast doesn't look too good so might just end up shooting for a new ID instead.

On monday they told us that we'll soon get some lego mindstorm -sets to use in our team work projects in school. I never imagined I'd be playing with legos in polytechnic/uni of applied sciences